On Sunday, September 16, our lives were changed in the blink of an eye. Robert and I were traveling home after spending a wonderful weekend with our daughter, Meredith, and her husband, Parrish, in Tulsa. We were about 50 miles outside of Amarillo when we got "the phone call." The call that is every parent's worst nightmare, the call that makes your stomach sink into your spine, the call that makes everything else in your world stand still.
Our call came from our daughter-in-law, Dana, who let us know that our son, Michael, had been in a terrible motorcycle accident. He was in the ambulance as she spoke, and she did not know his status. The next 40 miles we prayed for God's protection and sped into town, praying for Michael and asking for God to bring him through. But about the time we approached Amarillo, our other son, Dane, called to say that Michael had not survived...that he was gone.
From that moment to now, we have simply breathed. We have asked for God's strength to just keep us breathing. Nothing more, because that's all we can do. He has granted us breath. We are still numb...we still don't do much more than breathe, but we do continue to breathe.
For now, I just ask for each continued breath and for His understanding that I don't have many words to say. I trust Him. I do. I love Him. I do. But I don't know what to say.
I ask Him to bring His words to me. To let me see His grace and His mercy and to feel His peace. I am beginning to...but I have to be honest, when something this unexpected and this tragic happens, and death invades your previously protected family, you feel completely vulnerable. There is a sense of fear and dread that the enemy brings to you that God has to replace with the knowledge that HE is on your side. You have to force yourself to remember that God loves you, that He sees and hears you, and that He cares for you. I know He does.
Several years ago, my dear friend, Dallas, lost her 16 year-old son, Tyler, in an automobile accident. At his funeral, she had this song sung and I've never forgotten it...
Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.
~ Twila Paris
Pray for us - pray for Dana, Michael's wife, and his children, Kolbi, Cade and Jocelyn. Pray that all will draw close to God, and that we will all feel His presence around us.
I love You Lord - take away my fear - bring Your complete and unexplainable peace. I will trust You.
Our call came from our daughter-in-law, Dana, who let us know that our son, Michael, had been in a terrible motorcycle accident. He was in the ambulance as she spoke, and she did not know his status. The next 40 miles we prayed for God's protection and sped into town, praying for Michael and asking for God to bring him through. But about the time we approached Amarillo, our other son, Dane, called to say that Michael had not survived...that he was gone.
From that moment to now, we have simply breathed. We have asked for God's strength to just keep us breathing. Nothing more, because that's all we can do. He has granted us breath. We are still numb...we still don't do much more than breathe, but we do continue to breathe.
For now, I just ask for each continued breath and for His understanding that I don't have many words to say. I trust Him. I do. I love Him. I do. But I don't know what to say.
I ask Him to bring His words to me. To let me see His grace and His mercy and to feel His peace. I am beginning to...but I have to be honest, when something this unexpected and this tragic happens, and death invades your previously protected family, you feel completely vulnerable. There is a sense of fear and dread that the enemy brings to you that God has to replace with the knowledge that HE is on your side. You have to force yourself to remember that God loves you, that He sees and hears you, and that He cares for you. I know He does.
Several years ago, my dear friend, Dallas, lost her 16 year-old son, Tyler, in an automobile accident. At his funeral, she had this song sung and I've never forgotten it...
Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.
~ Twila Paris
Pray for us - pray for Dana, Michael's wife, and his children, Kolbi, Cade and Jocelyn. Pray that all will draw close to God, and that we will all feel His presence around us.
I love You Lord - take away my fear - bring Your complete and unexplainable peace. I will trust You.
2 comments:
Janice, my heart breaks for yours. I'm praying a new presence of God appears in your heart like you've never known before. I love you friend. Dawn
Janice, I have been checking each day waiting until you were able to write. I am so glad to hear from you. I left my iPad at work, and when I saw you had posted on Monday night I could't wait to get up this morning and write to you. You are so deeply loved my so many, yet we don't compare to the love Jesus Christ has for you. In His time, with time, your pain will become more tolerable. There will always be hole in your heart. I cried at the funeral, because I felt your pain. I hurt when you hurt. You and Robert remain in my prayers and the prayers of many others. I am also praying for Michael's wife and children. I love you and you have been so sorely missed at the women's retreat and last night at bible study. There is a hole in the hearts of the Women of Strength. I am looking forward to seeing you again and see you return to your life in this world without Michael. Love, Donna
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