My good friend, Terrie Rogers, encouraged me to start writing again during what is a very difficult time in my life, and during what is certainly a most unusual time in all of our lives.
My personal circumstance is this - my husband of almost 33 years was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis six years ago. This diagnosis was surely not good news, but also not surprising news. When Robert was diagnosed in summer of 2014, it was after his brother, Jimmy, had died of IPF in 2007, and after his younger brother, Gary, had been diagnosed a year earlier in 2013. IPF is not "hereditary", but they have determined that there can be familial propensities toward the disease, and the Hodges' brothers have proven to fall within that category. Unfortunately, Gary succumbed to the disease in October 2014, leaving Robert as the last living brother of what had been a robust family of five boys and one girl. Robert's younger sister, Mary (Gary's twin), shows no signs of the disease and, other than some controlled heart issues, is healthy and active. Robert's oldest brother, Bill, died at age 84 of an apparent heart attack and his brother, Don, died at age 80 of acute leukemia after battle myelodysplastic syndrome for the last three years of his life. Don did, however, have some fibrosis in the lower lobes of his lungs that was discovered during treatment for his other condition, but IPF did not contribute to his death.
Robert was very, very fortunate that in 2014 his doctor, aware of the family history, encouraged him to start a new drug, OFEV, which was not available for Jimmy in 2007, and for which Gary had progressed too rapidly to take advantage of. Doctors feel this drug, and Robert's tolerance for it, (it can have debilitating side effects) has extended Robert's healthy years over those that Jimmy and Gary got to enjoy post diagnosis, as they both died approximately two years after being diagnosed. Robert is now six years post-diagnosis, and four years of being on OFEV.
All of that lengthy explanation is to bring us to May 2020 when Robert suddenly became extremely short of breath. We were certain he had pneumonia (he had a case of pneumonia and flu in January) and his medical provider agreed and treated aggressively (after testing for COVID, of which we were really concerned!). But four days later he wasn't any better, actually worse, and we went back to see his provider. At this time, Robert's oxygen saturation was not sufficient for him to be sent home, which meant admission to the hospital, which meant due to current COVID guidelines, I could not be with him while he was in the hospital. He was admitted and during his one-week stay it was determined that he had had an acute exacerbation of his IPF. This was the longest week of my life - knowing Robert was by himself in the hospital and not knowing everything that was going on or exactly how he was doing! I would talk to him on the phone and he would sound so weak and discouraged. We both seriously questioned if he would get to come home.
He did come home one week later to the whole new world of being oxygen dependent with home concentrators and oxygen tanks that go with us wherever we go. I had never fully appreciated the restrictions that oxygen dependency places on someone, but I now know. The first few nights were terribly scary for me, thinking the concentrator would stop, or that Robert wouldn't be able to breathe for some reason or another. But we got through those nights and before we knew it, he had been home a week, then a month and now we're almost two months home from the hospital.
That time frame is significant because when he was in the hospital one of his medical providers told him that he probably only had four to eight weeks to live. While we understood the seriousness of an exacerbation with IPF, we were not even remotely thinking of only weeks of remaining life. But then we talked with our physician at National Jewish Hospital who told us there was absolutely no way of knowing how this disease would progress, that Robert had gone beyond what his brothers' patterns of progression had been, and that there was good reason to continue to believe the OFEV would hold us here at this new, decreased level for a period of time.
So that is where we find ourselves today - Robert has held at the same level as post-hospitalization, even has improved somewhat in his capacity to walk without having to stop for breath as quickly as he was. Until it became unbearably hot here in the Texas panhandle, we were spending a lot of time on our patio and taking afternoon drives in our little convertible, enjoying the sun in our face and the wind in our hair. He is still 24/7 oxygen dependent, but life right now is "normal" enough that Robert is sitting at his desk, furtively finishing up our 2019 Income Tax return so he can hit "send" and be done with that prior to tomorrow's deadline. (We both have a tendency to procrastinate and this is our very "normal" income tax schedule!)
Doctors would say that OFEV is probably the reason that Robert has had these years of life post diagnosis, and I agree that it has been a blessing...but a blessing given to us by God, and that His will is the absolute reason that Robert is still here and doing as well as he is. I am convinced that there is purpose in each and every day of life we are given, both for Robert and for me.
As I've been working from home since March 19 (my boss is incredibly considerate of my situation and insisted that I take no chance of bringing COVID-19 home to an extremely vulnerable husband), I have found it very challenging to determine God's purpose for me in this time of isolation and stillness. After Robert's hospitalization, my purpose became clearer - I was very much needed as his hands and feet since getting up to get anything required way more energy than he was capable of producing. But since he's been gaining some strength and getting around a little better, there have again been times of, "What am I supposed to be doing?", and asking God for His direction.
Now we are finally back to Terrie's suggestion that I mentioned at the beginning of this very lengthy introduction! I think it is time to start writing again. I'm asking God to direct me and to encourage me - and to stop me if the time isn't right or if I'm not saying the things that He wants me to.
I picked up a little Bible study that I bought years and years ago to do on my own - I had started it, but not finished (there's a pattern there!) and the name of the study made it seem perfect for right now: "Living Victoriously in Difficult Times" by Kay Arthur and Bob & Diane Vereen. I've always enjoyed Kay Arthur as a Bible study teacher. I am going to be working my way through this study and asking you to come along with me. You don't need to get the book, as I think I'll be covering it fairly thoroughly. (It is available on Amazon, if you wish to have a copy.)
I think this study will appeal to a lot of you, because even though Robert and I are going through a difficult time, we all are. I know you are all feeling the pressure and stress of one of the most difficult times of our lives. The threat of pandemic bringing with it illness and sometimes even death; the unrest that we see in our country due to racial strife and division; and throw in on top of that an election year that always seems to bring with it discussions that can go from calm to fiery in a matter of minutes...or in a matter of a few comments!
So if you're like me, you would like to look back on this time and think, "God, you taught me so much, and I did live in victory, even though it was a really difficult time," rather than, "That was a terrible time, hated every minute of it and gained nothing in my walk of faith." I don't want to waste this time that I know God has purpose for and I'm sure you don't either.
I hope you'll join me as we utilize this timely study for God's purposes in our lives right now - I'll borrow my friend Candy's current shout of encouragement, "Let's Go!"
My personal circumstance is this - my husband of almost 33 years was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis six years ago. This diagnosis was surely not good news, but also not surprising news. When Robert was diagnosed in summer of 2014, it was after his brother, Jimmy, had died of IPF in 2007, and after his younger brother, Gary, had been diagnosed a year earlier in 2013. IPF is not "hereditary", but they have determined that there can be familial propensities toward the disease, and the Hodges' brothers have proven to fall within that category. Unfortunately, Gary succumbed to the disease in October 2014, leaving Robert as the last living brother of what had been a robust family of five boys and one girl. Robert's younger sister, Mary (Gary's twin), shows no signs of the disease and, other than some controlled heart issues, is healthy and active. Robert's oldest brother, Bill, died at age 84 of an apparent heart attack and his brother, Don, died at age 80 of acute leukemia after battle myelodysplastic syndrome for the last three years of his life. Don did, however, have some fibrosis in the lower lobes of his lungs that was discovered during treatment for his other condition, but IPF did not contribute to his death.
Robert was very, very fortunate that in 2014 his doctor, aware of the family history, encouraged him to start a new drug, OFEV, which was not available for Jimmy in 2007, and for which Gary had progressed too rapidly to take advantage of. Doctors feel this drug, and Robert's tolerance for it, (it can have debilitating side effects) has extended Robert's healthy years over those that Jimmy and Gary got to enjoy post diagnosis, as they both died approximately two years after being diagnosed. Robert is now six years post-diagnosis, and four years of being on OFEV.
All of that lengthy explanation is to bring us to May 2020 when Robert suddenly became extremely short of breath. We were certain he had pneumonia (he had a case of pneumonia and flu in January) and his medical provider agreed and treated aggressively (after testing for COVID, of which we were really concerned!). But four days later he wasn't any better, actually worse, and we went back to see his provider. At this time, Robert's oxygen saturation was not sufficient for him to be sent home, which meant admission to the hospital, which meant due to current COVID guidelines, I could not be with him while he was in the hospital. He was admitted and during his one-week stay it was determined that he had had an acute exacerbation of his IPF. This was the longest week of my life - knowing Robert was by himself in the hospital and not knowing everything that was going on or exactly how he was doing! I would talk to him on the phone and he would sound so weak and discouraged. We both seriously questioned if he would get to come home.
He did come home one week later to the whole new world of being oxygen dependent with home concentrators and oxygen tanks that go with us wherever we go. I had never fully appreciated the restrictions that oxygen dependency places on someone, but I now know. The first few nights were terribly scary for me, thinking the concentrator would stop, or that Robert wouldn't be able to breathe for some reason or another. But we got through those nights and before we knew it, he had been home a week, then a month and now we're almost two months home from the hospital.
That time frame is significant because when he was in the hospital one of his medical providers told him that he probably only had four to eight weeks to live. While we understood the seriousness of an exacerbation with IPF, we were not even remotely thinking of only weeks of remaining life. But then we talked with our physician at National Jewish Hospital who told us there was absolutely no way of knowing how this disease would progress, that Robert had gone beyond what his brothers' patterns of progression had been, and that there was good reason to continue to believe the OFEV would hold us here at this new, decreased level for a period of time.
So that is where we find ourselves today - Robert has held at the same level as post-hospitalization, even has improved somewhat in his capacity to walk without having to stop for breath as quickly as he was. Until it became unbearably hot here in the Texas panhandle, we were spending a lot of time on our patio and taking afternoon drives in our little convertible, enjoying the sun in our face and the wind in our hair. He is still 24/7 oxygen dependent, but life right now is "normal" enough that Robert is sitting at his desk, furtively finishing up our 2019 Income Tax return so he can hit "send" and be done with that prior to tomorrow's deadline. (We both have a tendency to procrastinate and this is our very "normal" income tax schedule!)
Doctors would say that OFEV is probably the reason that Robert has had these years of life post diagnosis, and I agree that it has been a blessing...but a blessing given to us by God, and that His will is the absolute reason that Robert is still here and doing as well as he is. I am convinced that there is purpose in each and every day of life we are given, both for Robert and for me.
As I've been working from home since March 19 (my boss is incredibly considerate of my situation and insisted that I take no chance of bringing COVID-19 home to an extremely vulnerable husband), I have found it very challenging to determine God's purpose for me in this time of isolation and stillness. After Robert's hospitalization, my purpose became clearer - I was very much needed as his hands and feet since getting up to get anything required way more energy than he was capable of producing. But since he's been gaining some strength and getting around a little better, there have again been times of, "What am I supposed to be doing?", and asking God for His direction.
Now we are finally back to Terrie's suggestion that I mentioned at the beginning of this very lengthy introduction! I think it is time to start writing again. I'm asking God to direct me and to encourage me - and to stop me if the time isn't right or if I'm not saying the things that He wants me to.
I picked up a little Bible study that I bought years and years ago to do on my own - I had started it, but not finished (there's a pattern there!) and the name of the study made it seem perfect for right now: "Living Victoriously in Difficult Times" by Kay Arthur and Bob & Diane Vereen. I've always enjoyed Kay Arthur as a Bible study teacher. I am going to be working my way through this study and asking you to come along with me. You don't need to get the book, as I think I'll be covering it fairly thoroughly. (It is available on Amazon, if you wish to have a copy.)
I think this study will appeal to a lot of you, because even though Robert and I are going through a difficult time, we all are. I know you are all feeling the pressure and stress of one of the most difficult times of our lives. The threat of pandemic bringing with it illness and sometimes even death; the unrest that we see in our country due to racial strife and division; and throw in on top of that an election year that always seems to bring with it discussions that can go from calm to fiery in a matter of minutes...or in a matter of a few comments!
So if you're like me, you would like to look back on this time and think, "God, you taught me so much, and I did live in victory, even though it was a really difficult time," rather than, "That was a terrible time, hated every minute of it and gained nothing in my walk of faith." I don't want to waste this time that I know God has purpose for and I'm sure you don't either.
I hope you'll join me as we utilize this timely study for God's purposes in our lives right now - I'll borrow my friend Candy's current shout of encouragement, "Let's Go!"
2 comments:
I really appreciate you doing this Janice, ....I really need this at this time in my life. So happy Robert is doing some better!! You are an inspiration to me.
Thanks for the encouragement! I think we’re all meant to inspire each other, don’t you? At least that’s the way it seems to work....hope we learn a lot together!
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